I was thinking that it would be nice if people were more real about where they are in life. That, maybe, if we were honest with each other, it would be okay to share if we weren’t doing so well or struggling with an issue.
A recent conversation with an acquaintance prompted me to write this. She is going through a divorce and mentioned how I seemed strong going through my divorce and finding success in my new life. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to go through it as well as I did.
It made me think...Boy, we always seem to think that others have it all figured out. However, honestly, I wasn’t okay. I went through a huge transition and it took (is taking) a LONG time.
After being a stay-at-home mom for nine years, I got divorced and went on a journey of self-discovery. In the process of finding myself and learning some self-help methods, I wrote an inspirational children’s book, developed empowering talks for schools, as well as guided meditations. I thought I would be an author and speaker...it was awesome BUT it was not financially feasible.
At the age of 40, I ended up moving back with my mom with my two kids (then 9 and 13). I tried everything to make a go of my author/speaker career. I also applied for many jobs that I didn’t get. I felt like I was failing somehow and that people around me seemed to have it all figured out.
Others in their 40s around me had the career, the marriage, the house, the nice car. Everyone’s Facebook page seemed to show them traveling, going to fancy restaurants, having social gatherings and looking so happy. I know I got caught up in that and felt I was the only one that just could not get my stuff together.
But, I’m learning that it’s simply not the case. We all struggle in our own ways but we’re not always willing to share the not so good, the unpleasant. When you look deep enough, people often have some kind of difficulty, a sickness, a marriage that is fragile and barely hanging on, they are stressed out from jobs that aren’t fulfilling, have financial difficulties, perhaps are dealing with a mental issue, difficulties with a family member, etc.
I’m sharing that I went through some years which weren’t pleasant. My life seemed like a red hot mess for a while...but, fortunately, it is finally all working out and all the broken pieces are starting to fit together like a beautiful puzzle. I’m figuring it out one piece at a time.
I’m now a real estate agent and inject all my compassion, honesty, authenticity into my new career and help people along the way. This new venture allows me to support myself and my children. As a way of giving back, I donate my books and school talks . Everything I went through makes sense now...but it sure was dark and murky during the transitional years.
If you’re in a transition, don’t know where you’re going, can’t figure out the meaning of life and think you’re the only one that doesn’t have their stuff figured out...trust me, you’re not alone.
I think it’s absolutely normal to have ebbs and flows in life. To experience the highs of highs, the not so awesome and the deep valleys that come along the journey. We may not share the unpleasant things, but chances are, the people who you think have it all figured out....don’t.
I’m not saying that our troubles should be regular water cooler talk but it would be nice if we were a little more real with each other, talked more openly about having some challenges and accepted others wherever they may be on their journey. In other words, having compassion for ourselves and compassion for others.
I’m not sure about it all but I don’t think the goal of life is to be perfect. I think it’s more about being authentic, being yourself, being loving and figuring it all out, one piece at at time.